The Stories We Tell Ourselves: Why the Way You Tell Your Story Matters
As an integrative health and wellness coach, I often witness clients trapped in what psychologist Jonathan Adler calls "contamination sequences"—stories where good experiences inevitably turn bad, where setbacks seem to prove that nothing will ever improve.
The Hidden Brain episode on narrative psychology illuminates something I see daily in my practice: we're not just characters in our life stories, we're also the authors.
And how we choose to tell our stories profoundly impacts our wellbeing.
The research is striking. Studies show that people who frame their experiences as redemption sequences—where challenges lead to growth—report better mental health, higher self-esteem, and even biological markers of reduced stress. One study found that parents of children with autism who told integrated, meaning-making stories showed less telomere shortening, a marker of cellular aging.
But here's what matters most: the objective facts don't need to change for the story to transform. Adler's own journey from lonely college student to fulfilled professor and partner involved the same events, but connecting them differently created an entirely new narrative—one of finding his way rather than losing it.
As a coach, I don't ask clients to deny difficult realities or substitute positivity for pain. Instead, I help them explore: Where are you drawing your chapter breaks? Are you seeing yourself as a passive victim of circumstances or an active agent in your life? Can you find meaning even when happiness feels out of reach?
The most powerful insight from this research is that story changes often precede wellbeing improvements—not the other way around.
When we begin narrating our lives differently, our emotional reality follows.
Bottom line: Your story isn't fixed, and neither is your future. The narrative you've been carrying—about your health, your relationships, your capabilities—can be reexamined and reauthored, not by denying what happened, but by discovering new meanings within your experience. When you shift from asking "Why did this happen to me?" to "What can I do with this?" you move from passenger to driver in your own life.
If you're ready to rewrite your story, I'd be honored to walk alongside you.
