Befriending Your Nervous System: A Coach's Perspective

As a health and wellness coach, I've learned that lasting change doesn't come from willpower alone—it comes from understanding how our bodies work.

One of the frameworks I use with clients is Polyvagal Theory, developed by Dr. Stephen Porges.

Polyvagal Theory reveals that feelings of safety emerge from internal physiological states regulated by the autonomic (rest & digest) nervous system. Our autonomic nervous system mediates social engagement, trust, and our responses to threat, completely beneath our conscious awareness. This process, called neuroception, determines whether we feel calm and connected, anxious and mobilized, or shut down and numb.

When I'm regulated—in a state of safety and social connection—it’s easier to think clearly, connect authentically, and handle life's challenges. But when stress hits, my system shifts into fight-or-flight mode. And when things feel truly overwhelming, I might collapse into shutdown, feeling disconnected or foggy.

The revelation? These states aren't permanent, and we're not broken when we move through them. We can learn to gently guide ourselves back to safety.

Polyvagal Theory has demonstrated clinical value across trauma, anxiety, autism, and other conditions, offering practical pathways for healing. Deb Dana calls this process of engaging our autonomic nervous system "anchoring," and it looks different for everyone. For me, it might be going for a short walk outside, placing my hand on my heart, or calling a trusted friend. For you, it could be slower breathing, listening to music, or simply noticing the warmth of your coffee or tea cup.

One practice I love is collecting "glimmers"—tiny moments when your body softens and you feel a bit more at ease. A bird's song. The sun on your face. The softness of your pet's fur. These micro-moments actually rewire our nervous system toward resilience over time.

The bonus - when we regulate ourselves, we create ripples of calm that affect those around us. Our regulated presence becomes a gift to our families, workplaces, and communities.

Learning to befriend your nervous system isn't about perfection—it's about compassionate awareness and small, consistent practices that bring you home to safety.