What Is Coaching, Really? The Relational Work That Transforms Health and Wellbeing
Recently, I was deeply inspired by a blog written by my mentor about the heart of the work we do as coaches. When asked what her work is really about, she answered with striking clarity:
“I help people stay in kind, courageous relationship with themselves and others.”
That simplicity stopped me. It captures something essential.
As integrative health and wellbeing coaches, we are not teaching communication techniques or stepping in when relationships fracture. We are working with the integrity of connection — the daily, sometimes difficult practice of remaining present, honest, and compassionate with ourselves and the people who matter most.
You can read her full article here
What she articulated so beautifully is that nearly every form of human suffering has a relational dimension — and nearly every form of human flourishing is supported by the quality of our connections.
This is not poetic language alone. It is biological reality.
The Harvard Study of Adult Development, an 80+ year longitudinal study, found that the single greatest predictor of health, longevity, and wellbeing is the quality of our relationships.
More than wealth. More than professional success. More than physical health in midlife. Warm, secure relationships at age 50 predicted healthier, longer lives at 80. High-conflict or isolating relationships predicted earlier cognitive decline, more chronic illness, and shorter lifespans.
Chronic relational stress has measurable physiological effects. Research in psychoneuroimmunology shows that ongoing interpersonal conflict increases cortisol, disrupts sleep, weakens immune function, and elevates systemic inflammation. Conversely, emotionally supportive relationships regulate stress responses, improve cardiovascular outcomes, and enhance resilience.
And here is the piece I emphasize — the work is not only about helping clients repair or strengthen relationships with others. It is equally about helping them cultivate a healthy relationship with themselves.
Self-criticism, shame, and internal hostility activate the same stress pathways as external relational threat. Studies on self-compassion, including research by Dr. Kristin Neff, demonstrate that a kinder inner stance reduces anxiety and depression, lowers stress reactivity, and is associated with better physical health markers. Our internal relationship shapes our nervous system, our immune system, and our capacity for connection.
In my own coaching practice, I see this daily. When clients begin to relate to themselves with honesty and courage — rather than avoidance or contempt — everything shifts. Their marriages soften. Their parenting steadies. Their work performance improves. Their bodies settle.
Reducing relational stress — both externally and internally — is not a luxury. It is preventive medicine.
This is the heart of our work: not fixing broken people, but supporting whole human beings in developing the relational integrity that allows them to live healthier, longer, and more fully.
