The Healing Power of Tears: Why Crying Helps Us Process Grief

“I’m sorry,” she said, reaching for the tissue box. “I didn’t mean to cry.”

I hear some version of this in almost every coaching session.

People apologize for their tears as if something has gone wrong—as if grief should be controlled, tidy, and silent.

But my response is always the same:

Please don’t apologize. Nothing has gone wrong. In fact, something important may be happening.

As an integrative health and wellness coach who has spent years observing how emotional states affect physical health, I have come to see tears very differently than our culture often does.

When someone cries in a session, I don’t see weakness.

I see grief moving instead of staying trapped inside the body.

And sometimes, that movement is where healing begins.

What I Learned Studying Tears

Long before I began my work in integrative health coaching, I had the opportunity in the 1990s to work in the laboratory of Dr. William Frey, a biochemist who was studying the composition of human tears.

His research focused on the differences between emotional tears and reflex tears—the tears we produce when chopping onions or when our eyes are irritated.

What we observed was fascinating. Emotional tears appeared to contain higher concentrations of proteins and stress-related hormones, including substances such as prolactin, adrenocorticotropic hormone (ACTH), and leucine-enkephalin, a natural pain-relieving compound.

This led to an intriguing hypothesis: emotional crying might help the body release stress-related chemicals that accumulate during emotional distress.

Since then, research into crying has continued. Some studies suggest that crying may be associated with changes in stress physiology and improved emotional recovery after distressing experiences. Other researchers have found that many people report feeling calmer or relieved after crying, particularly when they are in a supportive environment.

At the same time, the scientific picture is still evolving. Some newer studies have not fully confirmed the idea that tears literally “flush toxins” from the body. Researchers such as Ad Vingerhoets, one of the world’s leading experts on the psychology of crying, suggest that the benefits of crying likely arise from a combination of biological, psychological, and social processes, rather than a single chemical mechanism.

In other words, the jury is still out on exactly how crying helps.

But the human experience of relief after tears is remarkably consistent.

Crying and the Nervous System

From a mind-body perspective, crying often appears to represent a shift in the nervous system.

When grief or emotional pain builds up in the body, the stress response system—particularly the sympathetic fight-or-flight system—can remain activated.

Emotional expression, including crying, may help the body move toward parasympathetic regulation, the state associated with rest, repair, and emotional processing.

Many people notice that after crying they experience:

• slower breathing

• muscle relaxation

• emotional release

• fatigue followed by calm

Some researchers also suggest that crying may stimulate the release of oxytocin and endorphins, neurochemicals associated with comfort, connection, and pain relief.

Equally important, crying functions as a powerful social signal. It invites empathy and support from others—something humans have relied on for survival and healing throughout our evolutionary history.

Grief Is What We Feel. Mourning Is What We Do.

One distinction I often share with clients is this:

Grief is the internal experience of loss.
Mourning is how we express it.

Crying is one of the oldest and most universal forms of mourning.

When we allow tears to come, something begins to shift. The pain of loss is no longer held entirely inside—it is being expressed, witnessed, and processed.

Many people fear that if they start crying, they might never stop.

But in my experience, tears usually move like waves. They rise, crest, and eventually fall. The body often knows how to regulate this process if we simply allow it.

Not Everyone Cries—And That’s Okay

It’s important to say that not everyone processes grief through tears.

Some people mourn through:

• writing or journaling

• prayer or meditation

• physical movement

• creative expression

• ritual or ceremony

• quiet reflection

There is no single “correct” way to grieve.

But when tears do arise, they deserve permission—not shame.

What Years of Coaching Have Taught Me

While science continues to explore the precise biology of crying, my lived experience working with people navigating grief tells me something important.

When people allow themselves to cry in a safe and compassionate space, something often changes.

The body softens.
The breath deepens.
The nervous system settles.

And grief—rather than staying frozen inside—begins to move.

Over time, I have come to see tears not as a loss of control, but as one of the body’s most natural pathways toward healing.

Permission to Let the Tears Come

We live in a culture that often encourages us to suppress emotion—to stay composed, strong, and in control.

But the human body was not designed to carry grief silently or indefinitely.

Tears may be one of the ways our biology and our spirit work together to process what is too heavy to hold alone.

So the next time tears begin to rise, consider allowing them.

You are not weak.

You are human.

And you may be participating in one of the body’s most ancient and wise processes of healing.